We are called to a higher standard as Christians in a world filled with hurts, betrayals, and injustices. Forgiveness is often felt as an impossible task in a world filled with hurts, betrayals, and injustices. As Christ Himself modeled on the cross, He said, “Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing.” However, many of us struggle to let go, holding onto grudges that poison our souls. Forgiveness is essential for your own sanity alone.
You are freed from the chains of resentment by it, allowing God’s peace to reign in your heart. Philippians 4:7 reminds us, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” However, why do we resist? Here are five common reasons people do not forgive, countered with biblical wisdom, and the benefits of embracing forgiveness.
1st. Many individuals hold onto anger and bitterness as a twisted form of revenge or control. Keeping the offender “on the hook,” or replaying the offense in a mental loop, may seem empowering. Bitterness can even seem satisfying, mirroring the pain we have experienced. This, however, does not end well.
As Ephesians 4:31-32 instructs, “Get rid of bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, as well as every form of malice.” “Forgive each other, as God forgave you in Christ.” From a Christian perspective, clinging to bitterness interferes with God’s forgiveness. We lose s our sanity when it festers like a wound, leading to anxiety, depression, and relationship breakdowns.
As we release our hurt to God, who promises vengeance is His (Romans 12:19), we regain control over our emotions, finding sanity in surrender.
2nd. Many are afraid of vulnerability, or being hurt again. Forgiveness may seem like weakness, inviting more pain or indicating that the offense was okay. We build walls to protect ourselves, but these become barriers to God’s healing. When Peter asked Jesus how often to forgive, Jesus replied, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” This is not naivety, but faith rooted in strength. In order to be forgiven, one must trust God for justice and set boundaries wisely. It is advised in Proverbs 4:23 to guard your heart above all else, since everything you do flows from it. Unforgiveness breeds paranoia and isolation, leading to mental health decline. Since we were forgiven so greatly (Luke 7:47), we forgive in order to liberate ourselves from fear’s grip and foster resilience and peace in order to maintain our sanity.
3rd. Forgiveness is commonly believed to be forgetting the event, excusing inappropriate behavior, reconciling, or restoring trust. These myths make forgiveness seem unattainable. Biblically, forgiveness is a choice to release resentment, not to absolve responsibility.
It is instructed in Colossians 3:13 to bear with each other and forgive one another if anyone has a grievance against another member of your family. God does not forget our sins, but he chooses not to hold them against us (Hebrews 8:12). Our sanity is adversely affected by holding onto grudges, which cloud judgment and fuel chronic stress. Likewise, we can remember wisely while releasing bitterness.
As a result of clarifying forgiveness as a personal release – not a reconciliation – we align with Christ’s example, resulting in mental clarity and emotional release.
4th. We do not forgive because of the desire for justice or revenge. We believe that the offender must suffer more or face more consequences before we can let go, confusing our healing with their punishment. The vigilante mindset contradicts Scripture. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “You will also be forgiven by your heavenly Father if you forgive others when they sin against you. However, if you do not forgive others for their sins, your Father will not forgive you.” Justice is a matter of God’s choosing rather than ours.
As a result of seeking revenge, we become consumed with toxic thoughts, resulting in insomnia, irritability, and physical ailments, undermining our mental health. When we forgive, our focus shifts from the offender to our growth in Christ, enabling us to pray for enemies, as Jesus instructed us (Matthew 5:44). This brings supernatural peace, demonstrating that true justice is internal.
5th. We cannot forgive if we lack empathy or are self-righteous. In our self-centered world, we see ourselves as heroes and the other as villains, refusing to acknowledge his or her humanity. This superiority is due to pride, which destroys lives and relationships (Proverbs 16:18). Luke 6:37 says, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Empathy does not excuse sin, but rather acknowledges that we are all sinners saved by grace.
Embracing empathy through prayer allows us to reflect God’s mercy, dissolving self-righteousness and restoring sanity through humility.
Forgiveness is fundamentally a personal choice to release the burden of resentment and bitterness—not absolving the offender or forcing reconciliation. As Christians, it is an act of obedience to God, who forgave us infinitely through Christ. Unforgiveness weighs us down like an anchor, but letting go lifts us into freedom. Studies have demonstrated that it relieves stress and improves mental health, aligning with biblical promises of peace. In order to maintain your sanity, choose forgiveness today.
As Psalm 103:12 assures, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Let God remove your burdens too.
